Candor is the Word of the Day

I have reached the point where the anticipation of the Saturday long run leaves me with a queasy tummy. Thankfully it always subsides once I get moving, but there is now no uncertainty whatsoever that there's going to be some point in the run where it gets really, really, reallllllly hard. I never know when exactly the struggle will come, or if it's going to be physical, mental, or both; but some sort of hardship is now a given.

As the map above shows, we didn't complete the loop. Today's schedule said 18 miles. The route that the run club powers that be settled on said 19.something. In actuality, I think it was 18.something. Ultimately we ran 18.0 and ended with a cool-down walk. I ran with Chris and Tiff, who I've done some personal training with and is nothing short of awesome. All somewhat intimidated by the thought of such a long run, we were intent on starting with a slow and steady pace. We did very well on that front.

Split	Time	Distance	Avg Pace
Summary	03:02:31	18.01	10:08
1	00:10:33	1.00	10:33
2	00:10:04	1.00	10:04
3	00:10:15	1.00	10:15
4	00:10:30	1.00	10:30
5	00:10:04	1.00	10:04
6	00:10:20	1.00	10:20
7	00:10:20	1.00	10:20
8	00:10:07	1.00	10:07
9	00:10:12	1.00	10:12
10	00:09:50	1.00	09:50
11	00:09:46	1.00	09:46
12	00:10:04	1.00	10:04
13	00:09:56	1.00	09:56
14	00:10:10	1.00	10:10
15	00:09:35	1.00	09:35
16	00:10:33	1.00	10:33
17	00:10:17	1.00	10:17
18	00:09:42	1.00	09:42
19	00:00:03	0.01	11:24

I am trying (and for the most part succeeding), on seeing this as a victory due to the fact that my struggle didn't come until somewhere between miles 15 and 16. Holy cow, though, when fatigue reared its ugly head today, it did so with a vengeance. My heart and lungs were doing fine, my mental state was alright, but my legs just got so very tired and heavy. It was a level of muscular fatigue that I had not previously encountered. In looking at my splits, I am nothing short of stunned to see that mile 18 was one of our quickest miles. Because it was damn hard. I apologize for my sometimes less that pristine language, but I feel this certain struggle requires an expletive.

While I'm pleased to be done and pleased by our final split, I'm a tiny bit discouraged by the way I felt at the end. I repeat that I expect the struggle, but when we were standing around at the end with our fellow run club members, everyone seemed to feel wayyyyyy better than I felt. While I'm overjoyed for them, I cannot deny a twinge of jealousy. I fully confess that this is stupid, but this blog is my journal and its readership is limited; so candor is the word of the day.

Final thoughts on the run:

I finished. Being that I don't have a marathon goal other than finishing, this counts as a victory. Last week I downed a Gu every five miles. The thought of downing so many Gu's during the long runs and the actual marathon scares me a bit, so I decided to try to stretch it out to one every six miles. For a run of this distance, that was perhaps a mistake. Having one at 5, 10, and 15 today might have made a slight difference in the way I felt. Or, maybe it wouldn't have. I guess we'll never know, as there won't be any 18 mile runs in my near future. Next week is our final long run, a 20 miler. I need to come up with a fuel plan between now and then. Today's run is done, I ran more than a lot of people could even dream of running, and, most importantly, I completed the goal set before me. Life is good.

Doldrums

8/8/10

Congratulations everyone on a well run race. The next five weeks are the toughest but most important part of our training where we take that step beyond the half marathon and towards a full 26.2. Next Saturday is a tough run because we jump up 2 miles to 15, then for the next three weeks we add a mile each week. I will also talk about increasing your miles on one of your runs during the week (if you run 4-5 miles you should increase to 5-6 miles).

8/19/10

These might be the toughest three weeks of our training, we will work harder then ever on Wednesdays and run the most miles of our training in the next 19 days.

Keep pushing forward, these are tough times in our training. We are sore, we have aches and pains but we keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will pay off, it will be worth it, I promise you.

The above are excerpts from a couple of the emails that our fearless leader has sent out in the past few weeks. He must be some sort of prophet or something...

Despite having used words like scared, terrified, and daunted to describe this journey; I think I've underestimated it. But, my struggles right now are not a function of aches, pains, or sore muscles. Other than some general fatigue at times, I'm feeling great. My struggles right now are of the mental variety.

Last weekend's 17 miler did leave me feeling this is more manageable, but the marathon is consuming my thoughts. Some of this mental consumption is courtesy of my husband, who is currently obsessing over whether or not we should run together, and what our pace should be. But, anyone who know me knows that I need no assistance whatsoever to be a complete head case. I am obsessing over what to eat, what do drink, getting enough sleep, worrying that I'm taking too much time away from my kids, fear that my mind is going to completely sabotage me, and the list goes on and on and on... I'm even obsessing over the obsessing and worrying about the mark I'm leaving on myself and those around me!

To elaborate on the kid thing... we do sprint and hill workouts with the group on Wednesday nights, and long runs on Saturday mornings. My eight year old son has baseball on Wednesday nights, and my five year old daughter has soccer on Saturday mornings. We thankfully have a 'village' of amazing people who have been quick to volunteer to help us out with these scheduling challenges. The fabulous Klukow family has been awesome and always willing to do whatever needed to help get the J-man to baseball. My parents have jumped right into the role of soccer mom, carting Elise to and from soccer. It's all good and well, but I can't help but have a little mommy guilt about not taking care of this stuff on my own and being more present for my kids.

I've titled this post 'Doldrums.'

dol·drums

   [dohl-druhmz, dol-, dawl-] Show IPA

–noun ( used with a plural verb )

1.

a state of inactivity or stagnation, as in business or art:August is a time of doldrums for many enterprises.

2.

the doldrums,

a.

a belt of calms and light baffling winds north of theequator between the northern and southern trade windsin the Atlantic and Pacific oceans.

b.

the weather prevailing in this area.

3.

a dull, listless, depressed mood; low spirits.

My definition is slightly different. More appropriate for me would be:

on a sailboat in the middle of the ocean, with no wind in the sails and no land in sight

Consistent with my behavior, this is exaggerating a bit. The end is in sight and I do have wind in the sails. Fellow run clubber Becca says it quite well in her recent blog post. Just two more really long runs left, then the taper, then the marathon. I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not get ahead of myself!